It's hardest at night, leaving Mom's side, saying goodbye for the night, and not knowing if she'll still be with us in the morning. I cry all the whole drive home thinking that might have been my last goodbye to her. I go home exhausted, even though I haven't done anything but sit by here side all day. I did manage to leave yesterday for a couple of hours. Just because Mom is in the hospital, the laundry doesn't do itself. My oldest son has been incredible and hasn't wanted to leave her side. None of us do, but life goes on for us and we need a good night's rest to be with her the following day. We have the option of spending the night there with her, but we've decided we are better off in our own beds, no matter how difficult sleep comes for us.
My cell phone is right by my side all night long, waiting for the phone call, but it has yet to come. I'm greatful, but it's a selfish greatful. She is in so much pain and she is ready to die. We've all said our I Love You's and good byes, but each time we see a smile on her face that she knows we are there, it's like one more gift from her to us. And I cherish them with all my heart.
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